MY MEMORIES
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
im quite sick n tired of all e shit crap tt has been happening. sometimes i just dun understand y some pple just wun let me go?! all e coming back n den later having me find out other stuff thing is seriously pissing me off. and everytime i know something, it will b like another shock kind of stuff. i wonder when will i learn my lesson and just simply move on with my life peacefully. seriously.
2 days ago i felt so used. used to e max kind. tt was e worst kind of feeling i have ever experienced to date. way more irritating and painful than being discriminated. e only thot tt went thru my mind was, "why are u so stupid!".. i hate myself for being like tis. it's like when someone totally dun even give a shit care abt u and they have to ask u to repeat e same thing more than once, twice, thrice, and still dun register at all, it's just so irritating. and e best thing is why do u have to fall for it everytime esp when u know tt it's just mentioned just for e sake of mentioning?! sometimes i just wanna just disappear forever and just dun come back! u know, not having anyone be able to contact me kind? since my family also dun really give a shit of wad i do. i really do have e urge to just simply get a job and then buy my own tix and den leave without telling anyone. okies... of cux vanitha, andy, diana will def know and a few more select friend in which i dun really wanna name all here. yes. tt's wad i wanna do. but i simply have no way to do so. unless vanitha helps me to get a job in aus or something... den once i complete my studies or mayb like aft i finish this sem, im well on my way off... cherlyn, come with me! hahas... this is a shout out to u!! see it?! let's just leave! hais... i duno la... so irritated with this whole shit crap situation im in.
it's like it's not hurting so much or affecting me as much as it used to be but sometimes, okies esp e 2 days ago thingy really made me wanna just die thr and then. i wonder how stupid can i get. tt's all. i hate e stupid person inside of me. when i see others like happy in their lives and still complaining abt it, i envy them! it's like something in which i feel like i wun b able to find. being hopeful here is not really an option since i dun even see a chance of it happening. hais... duno la!
i really wonder if i ever am lucky enuf to get to find something, will i still be able to or even dare to invest as much as i did. u know a painful lesson learnt really do help to make u want to protect yourself more the next time it comes ard. i really really wished tt i did something crazy in e gold coast. seriously. at least i wun feel so stupid.
but anyways, i feel quite happy with e aus trip. really happy. i got to see vanitha and yiwen in which im like super happy abt it!! estatic! and when vanitha told me tt when we went gold coast she was not on her depression pills and was still able to have fun, i was seriously damn happy. it feels like at least i helped to make someone's life better. i was really pleased with it. i really hope tt all of cux cld truly find out true happiness man. i know who reads my blog and tt means all of u who's reading this entry. seriously. we are all in pretty funny situations now so yeaps... let's hope tt everything gets better.
``Your name ; 2:18 PM
....................................
